


hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

by agent_orange



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Kissing, Sexuality Crisis, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:09:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2156895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_orange/pseuds/agent_orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jo smiles. "I was wrong about you, Jess."</p>
            </blockquote>





	hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://opheliahyde.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://opheliahyde.livejournal.com/)**opheliahyde** for betaing.

When Jess is sixteen, she meets Jo. It's not under ideal circumstances—Jess's dad lost his job, so they had to move to Bumfuck, Nebraska—and Jess is the new kid in a class of almost two thousand. It'd be easy to get lost in the shuffle, but between her height and her clothes, she stands out. On her first day at Lincoln High, Jess sees a few people multiple times, but this short, plaid-shirt-wearing blonde girl is in practically all of her classes. It still sort of feels like she's stalking Jess; at lunch, she sits down at Jess's table.

*

"You're new," the girl says. "You're smart. You look like you could probably use a friend, and I thought I'd do it before the cheerleaders turn you evil."

"How do you know I'm not _already_ evil?" Jess asks.

"Too sweet-looking," the girl answers, sticking out her hand for a shake. "Jo Harvelle. You're in my English class. And my history class. And my math class."

"But you're not in my Latin class. I'm Jessica Moore."

"Well," Jo says. "That's because I'm not actually a pretentious fuck who buys into the 'it improves your SAT score' bullshit."

"It does, though."

"I'll have to take your word for it, then." Before Jess can even protest, Jo steals the apple from her tray, taking a huge bite and chewing loudly.

Jess really isn't sure what to make of Jo, or even of her new high school—everyone's so different here, and no one's got that New England stick up their ass, which is sort of...refreshing, if a bit of a culture shock.

"When did you move here?" Jo asks. "I'll show you around town after school. There's not much, but I'll show you where to go and what to avoid. Most people just hang out at the mall and then get drunk and go cow-tipping."

"Sounds like fun," Jess deadpans. "I can't wait to see your version of a party."

*

Jo has got this old, rusty red truck that looks almost as old as she is. There are cracks in the back windshield and there's a dent in the side. Jess is sort of worried that it won't even run, and it stalls when Jess turns the key, but it does, and then Wheatus starts blasting ear-shatteringly loudly from the stereo. Jo turns it down a little, but it still makes the dice dangling from the mirror shake.

As they pull out of the crowded parking lot, Jo starts talking. "This," she says, pointing to the high school (which looks somehow more rundown than at the beginning of the day), "is the shithole where you'll be spending most of your time. Get used to living in the suckiest place in the world."

That doesn't help at all, since Jess is already pissed about being uprooted from her friends and her school and her life in the middle of sophomore year, but maybe there will be less academic competition here than at Pomfret.

They pass a gas station, a supermarket, and a barbershop without ceremony, and then Jo says, "That's Allie Walker's house. Pretty much party central. You'll probably get invited to the next one."

"Why?" Jess asks. Pomfret parties were exclusive; even though you knew them, you didn't just invite _everyone_.

Jo snorts. "Why do you think? You're pretty. You look like the popular type. By next week, you'll have a boyfriend."

"What if I don't want a boyfriend?" Jess raises her eyebrows. "What if I don't want to be popular? I just want to do well in school. I'm sure as hell not staying _here_ after graduation, and I'll probably..." she trails off. Jo's nice, but they're not close enough yet for Jess to admit that now she'll need a scholarship to go to a great school. "Being popular is overrated," she says instead.

Jo smiles. "I was wrong about you, Jess."

*

There's hardly anything to do in town, so most days, Jo drives Jess home and they do their homework together, music playing softly in the background. She makes geometry make sense for Jess in between cracks about the losers in their class; sometimes Jess laughs so hard soda comes out of her nose. When she can breathe again, she hits Jo in the arm, not hard at all, and somehow it devolves into a full-on wrestling match, Jo sitting heavily on Jess's stomach and squishing all the air out of her lungs.

" _Stop_ ," Jess wheezes. "You weigh like a million pounds.

"You're a shitty liar," Jo says, pinning Jess's arms to the floor. Her face is only inches from Jess, and there's orange Cheeto dust on the corner of her mouth. For the first time, Jess notices how long Jo's eyelashes are, how smooth and pale her skin is. The tightness she gets in her chest isn't something she's felt before, and it's confusing. She's not really sure what it means, but her heart's pounding like a drum and it's harder to breathe.

Jess shoves Jo off and just like that, it feels like the weight's been lifted from her chest; she grabs Jo's essay comparing Lady MacBeth to Hester Prynne, pointing out the mistakes and how to fix them.

*

On weekends, they blow off homework, at least for the day. Jo picks Jess up around noon, and they grab lunch at the local diner before making plans for the afternoon. They have to make their own fun, and a lot of what they'll do depends on the weather. If the sun is shining and there's no snow on the ground, Jo drives an hour out to Victoria Springs State Park. Jess brings her guitar, writing songs on the way there and figuring them out once they arrive. There's a playground they use (probably more than they should), some fire pits they roast marshmallows for s'mores over. When the weather's shitty, well...as Jo says, "There's plenty to do. You just gotta look for it." The local movie theater's old and rarely has new releases, but the bowling alley next door is okay, and if the manager's in a good mood he gives discounts for bowling during off-peak hours.

The rental shoes smell nasty, though.

Some nights, Jess helps out at Jo's mom's bar. It's a bit of a ways from town, but it's always crowded when Jess is there. Jess waits tables and mixes drinks, and Ellen lets her keep what she makes in tips. At Pomfret, students weren't allowed to have jobs, so that's one way in which Nebraska beats Connecticut.

*

Jess doesn't start hanging out with the popular crowd—Jo's plenty good company—but she _does_ go to a house party one boring Friday night, since Jo's got some kind of family commitment. Tommy Lovell's throwing it, and no more than a minute after she enters, someone shoves a flimsy red cup into her hands. It's cheap beer, but it's still beer; there isn't much else to do and she's already there, so she drinks it, wincing at the bitter aftertaste.

Later, she winds up talking to Spencer, both of them tucked away in a corner, away from the pounding music. He's in her pottery class, and somehow manages playing star forward on the lacrosse team _and_ being in the poetry club. He's got short brown hair and green eyes, soft-looking lips.

Jess isn't normally careless, but the beer's taken care of that; she closes the short distance between her and Spencer and kisses him. His lips are soft and a little damp, his palm sweaty where it touches her cheek.

They don't go much further than kissing, but they do spend the rest of the night making out on the couch, Spencer's hand occasionally moving down to Jess's chest. She doesn't know if they're dating now, but she sort of hopes they're not.

She doesn't actually like him that much.

*

On Monday, Jo doesn't show to pick Jess up for school, so Jess has to take her dad's car instead. In class, Jo ignores her; the same thing happens at lunch. After school, Jo isn't waiting by her truck for Jess.

Jess doesn't know what she did wrong. She's got a few other friends, but is closest to Jo. Hopefully things blow over soon.

*

Unfortunately, the rest of the week is the same, with Jo acting like Jess doesn't exist. Friday nights at the Roadhouse are always busy, so Jess figures helping out there is as good a way as any to get Jo to talk to her. In between filling orders, she corners Jo just outside the kitchen.

"What did I do?" Jess asks, balancing a full tray on one palm.

"I thought you liked me back," Jo says, pushing past Jess and disappearing into the crowd.

For a minute, Jess doesn't get it, and then it clicks. _Oh_. Jo _likes her_ likes her. That explains a lot, actually, and forces Jess to realize something. The weird, pent-up feelings she's had for weeks finally makes sense; it seems like she has a crush on Jo. But Jess can't be a lesbian. She likes _boys_. At Pomfret, she'd had an on-and-off boyfriend. She'd even lost it to him, chalking up the fact that it sucked to what she'd heard about first times being bad for most girls. 

She leaves without telling anyone, speeding home so she can freak out there. Once she's locked in her room, she Googles everything she can think of about sexuality and crushes on girls and what to do. Being that different in a small town in Nebraska is going to suck major dick. ...Which she guesses she won't be doing anytime soon.

She's always felt a little different from her friends, but it wasn't something tangible, wasn't something Jess could ever put her finger on. If she'd been able to make a list of possible reasons for it, liking girls probably would've been last. But she _does_ want to kiss Jo, wants to see what Jo's lips would feel like against her own.

So maybe Jess is a dyke. Fucking great. She's still the new girl at school, and now she's got to add this on top of it.

*

 **guitarthief:** can we talk? I've been thinking a lot lately

 **enihpesoj91:** about what?

 **guitarthief:** you

 **enihpesoj91:** oh

 **guitarthief:** oh?

 **enihpesoj91:** I didn't think you would have

 **guitarthief:** yeah, I

 **enihpesoj91:** look, just forget what I said the other night, okay? it was a bad idea and I shouldn't have told you that

 **guitarthief:** just shut the fuck up for a minute. I...think I like you too

 **enihpesoj91:** you think?

 **guitarthief:** how the fuck am I supposed to know? this is all new to me

 **enihpesoj91:** if you like me, why'd you make out with Spencer?

 **guitarthief:** hadn't figured it out yet. think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?

 **enihpesoj91:** that depends. how are you gonna make it up to me?

 **guitarthief:** what did you have in mind?

 **enihpesoj91:** well...you could make out with me :)

Jess powers down her computer, strips, and turns on water for a shower, temperature turned up as high as it can go. Now she's second-guessing herself, wondering if she really _does_ want this. Jess knows it was bitchy to sign off so abruptly, but Jo's talk about kissing freaked her out a little. What if she just fucked up a perfectly good friendship over nothing? What if she _does_ like girls and the whole school finds out and she turns into a social outcast?

What she really wants is to talk things over with Jo, but it's late and she's probably pissed that Jess signed off so quickly.

*

In the morning, Jess gets up early and stops for donuts before heading to Jo's house to pick her up for school. Jo looks surprised to see her, but grabs her bag and gets in the car anyway.

"Honestly, what the fuck?" Jo says when she sees Jess. "Your mood swings are giving me serious whiplash. Pick an emotion and stick with it."

"Sorry," Jess says, but she can't help but smile. Jo's a lot less pissed off than Jess expected, and without thinking, she blurts out, "Can I kiss you?" instantly wishing she could take it back. Jo might have gotten over her, and her mom's right inside—she could see.

Instead of answering, Jo leans in, softly pressing her lips to Jess's. It's careful and tentative, all chaste touches and no tongue, but it still feels like there are butterflies in Jess's belly. After a minute, Jo pulls away and then kisses Jess again, harder this time—more intense, less gentle; Jess arches into it, hand curling at the base of Jo's neck, holding here there.

"We're skipping school," Jo announces, cutting off Jess's protests with another kiss. "Your parents will be gone, right?" When Jess nods, Jo says, "Drive."

*

Spread out on Jess's bed, passing a bottle of vodka back and forth, they talk about a lot: school; their dreams for the future; sexuality, and end up making out, Jo's knees planted on either side of Jess's hips. Jo's in her bra and panties, and Jess's shirt is crumpled on the floor. The door's locked just in case, though Jess is just now letting her fingers wander below Jo's waist. Her skin is soft and warm, an easy slide down, and Jess hesitates for a second.

"You don't have to," Jo says, guiding Jess's hand back up to her stomach before resting her own palm on Jess's thigh. "Just this is great."  

"Really?"

"Yes," Jo says, and Jess knows it really is.


End file.
